How to Stop Reaching for Your Phone: Why Replacement Beats Willpower
In my conversations with families, we often talk about how hard it is (for both kids and adults) to resist the urge to pick up a phone or watch a quick YouTube video the moment boredom or restlessness creeps in. I see it in parents, teens, tweens and of course I struggle with it too.
The truth is, if we want to stop automatically reaching for our phones, opening social media or popping into YouTube “just for a second,” we can’t simply rely on trying to remove the behavior. When we try to rely on rules like “no scrolling” or “no videos,” we end up creating a void. And voids feel uncomfortable. In that discomfort, our brains push us back toward whatever is easiest and most familiar. I’m not saying discomfort is all bad, but for our purpose here of replacing a bad habit with something a little better, why not make it as easy as possible?
Without something else enjoyable to do, we’ll end up depending on willpower alone.
Unfortunately, willpower has been shown to be an unreliable strategy- especially when we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed.
So instead of just casting aside the offending app, let’s think about how to replace it with a better alternative. The thing is, WHAT you replace scrolling with is the KEY to doing it successfully.
In my own life, I really wanted to stop pulling out my phone when waiting in the car for my kids or standing in line or sitting in a waiting room. So, I started carrying a New York Times mini-crossword puzzle book in my purse. Now, whenever I have five or ten minutes to spare, I pull it out instead of my phone. It hits that sweet spot, making me feel just challenged enough to stay engaged, but not so challenged that it feels like work. It’s quick, satisfying, and gives my brain a tiny spark of pleasure (dopamine) without pulling me into a scrolling spiral - success!
let’s look at the strategy I use for helping people find the RIGHT replacement activity for their given circumstances:
1️⃣ Small Pockets of Time
These are the quick, restless moments - the waiting room, the carpool line, the restaurant table, the airport gate, the line at an event. This is when phones come out almost automatically and “just one video” can easily become twenty minutes. In these moments, simple, low-effort alternatives work best, such as:
A small puzzle or crossword book
A sketch pad and pencil
A journal or doodle notebook
A fidget toy
A quick beading or bracelet making kit
A small crochet project
A magazine, short-story book, or Kindle
Nothing intense. It should be low stakes. Just easy, fun, accessible engagement.
2️⃣ Big Empty Blocks of Time
These are the stretches of time where kids (and adults) might disappear into scrolling or watching videos for long periods - wasting hours and hours. For these moments we want to make more immersive alternatives easily accessible to help break up the scrolling time. Some examples might be:
Drawing, painting, or creative art projects
Knitting, crocheting, or other crafts
Music practice, songwriting, or learning an instrument
Sewing projects
Redecorating your room
Cooking or baking projects
Working out, yoga, or movement routines
Ceramics, woodworking, or hands-on making
Learning or building something new over time
These activities invite focus, flow, and a sense of progress — they don’t just fill time, they enrich it.
The Power of an Activity ‘Go Bag’
One practical strategy I love is helping teens (and parents) create a screen-free “go bag.” This can be a tote or backpack stocked with a few small, engaging alternatives — puzzle books, art supplies, fidgets, compact games, or reading material. Teens can build their own version to bring when they’re meeting friends, hanging out in parks, or waiting around between activities. Group-friendly items (like card games, pocket board games, or “truth-or-dare” or party-style conversation cards) can even make it a fun way to keep a whole group off their screens.
When alternatives are available and easy kids are far more likely to choose them.
This approach isn’t about perfection or eliminating screens altogether. It’s about teaching kids (and ourselves) that when we remove a habit, we also need to offer something meaningful in its place. Ultimately, we’re aiming for a healthier and more mindful relationship with technology.