Playdates and Screen Time: How to Keep Things Smooth Between Families
Playdates in the digital age can feel like a bit of a minefield for parents. But it doesn’t have to be stressful if you lead with your values and make some space for where other parents are at. If you know your child will be having a playdate with a child who has very different screen time rules than your family, the key is communicating your values in a non-judgemental way. Let’s take a look at what different scenarios might look like.
Scenario 1: You are a no screens family and prefer for your child to play offline during playdates. The other child in the scenario comes from a family that allows some ipad time and video games.
If you are hosting: It can feel a little awkward to have a conversation with another child’s parent about your preferences, but done tactfully many parents appreciate the clarity. You can say to the other parent, “we are so excited for the playdate. Just wanted to let you know that at our house we don’t do screen time so I’ll make sure the kids have plenty of fun offline activities to do.” If the child generally brings an ipad with them you can also request that the ipad stay home on this particular day. If the ipad is coming with the child, you can feel free to ask if the parent is comfortable with you holding on to the ipad unless the child needs to communicate with their parent.
If the other family is hosting: Here you have 2 choices. You can either talk to the other parent and say something like, “ thank you so much for hosting this playdate, (insert your kids name) is so excited! I hope this isn’t too much to ask, but would you be comfortable making this a screen free play date? Or at least maybe limit the screen time?” The other option is to allow your child to experience what it’s like in a home with different rules. When my kids were little this was my approach. However, if I knew that the other child was allowed to play games or watch content that I felt was too mature I would ask the parent to please hold off on that type of content. Other than that, I allowed my kids to be exposed to devices and then we talked about what they enjoyed about it and why we have different rules in our home.
Scenario 2: You are a family that allows your kids some screen time. Your kids can play some age appropriate video games or watch YouTube after school. The other child comes from a ‘no screens’ family.
If you are hosting: You have a few choices here. The first is to do nothing. You include your child’s friend in your own routines whether that includes some screen time or not. If you haven’t heard anything about it from the other parent you can assume this is ok. The next option is to consider what the other family might be more comfortable with. You can reach out to the other parent - especially if it’s a friend of yours - and say, “ Hey, we’re so happy to be hosting this playdate. I know you don’t do screens at your house and we do. What are you comfortable with them doing in terms of screens at this playdate?”
Lastly, you can just decide that since you have a “screen free” kid coming over you will host a screen free playdate - and deal with your own child’s potential frustration. This can actually be a great learning moment for a child about how we compromise and make efforts to make others comfortable when they are our guests. If you do go this route, I would talk to your child about it in advance so they’re not caught off guard at the moment.
If the other family is hosting: Be respectful of their ‘no screens’ rules. Do not send your child with an ipad, phone or computer as it will put the other parents in an uncomfortable position. If you want your child to have a device for you to be able to connect with them, just ask the other parent if they can hold on to the device during the playdate and then return it at the end. Make sure to talk to your child about the other family’s rules in advance so that they are respectful.
If you are a family who allows some screen time, but you’d love for the play date at your house to be mostly offline that’s doable too! Decide how you’d like to break it down - maybe the kids are allowed to watch something for 30 min while they have a snack and then they go play in the real world. Or perhaps, they spend the bulk of their time playing outdoors or being creative and at the end they sit and relax with a snack and video games or a show. Either way, I would set up the recreational screen time to be something that the kids do together, not each kid playing their own game or watching their own show on a separate device.
Since all families parent differently around screens, setting up the dos and don'ts of a playdate is a bit of a dance, but with open communication and consistency you can find a happy solution for everyone.
Have you come up with some great strategies for playdates? I’d love to hear them so leave a comment below!