How and When to Talk about Pornography
Pornography is a tricky topic and one that most parents wish they didn’t have to address with their kids. I mean how sad is it that we even need to have these conversations?! But, here we are, in a world where porn is at our kids’ fingertips and as such it’s imperative that parents step in and arm kids with knowledge that can help protect them. According to Common Sense Media’s 2023 report, Teens and Pornography:
73% of children ages 13- 17 have seen pornography either by accident or on purpose
12 is the average age of exposure to pornography
Kids who had discussed porn with their parents said the conversation, "encouraged [them] to think about ways
to explore sex or [their] sexuality other than porn."
Of course all parents should set restrictions on kids’ devices, but restrictions alone are not enough. We don’t want our kids learning about sex from pornography so having these conversations in age appropriate ways is essential. To that end, I want to share with you my favorite resources that both educate parents and support them in having these awkward conversations:
Culture Reframed: My number one resource on this topic. Chock full of guides and free lessons.
Common Sense Media: Numerous videos and short articles tackling common situations around porn and kids
Technosapiens Blog Post: Great walk through on having this tricky conversation
The other piece is actually teaching kids about sex in healthy and age appropriate ways. If you provide your child with resources to satiate their curiosity they will be less likely to go searching online for answers to their questions. I started buying puberty and sex ed books for my boys when they were around 9 years old. I never forced them to read them, but rather I made them available to them so that if and when they were curious they’d have a trustworthy and safe resource on hand. Here are my favorites:
Sex is a Funny Word (elementary)
It’s Perfectly Normal (elementary)
Sex Puberty and All that Stuff (late elementary/early middle)
You know, Sex (middle)
While we may not be able to change the fact that pornography is so easily accessible stepping in as our kids allies and having those tough conversations in non-shaming ways is the key to equipping them with the tools they need to navigate this world more safely. Don’t let your our fear of discomfort stop you, our kids wellbeing is too important. So dig in to these resources and start today!