The Red Flags Every Child Needs to Know to Spot an Online Predator
Kids are spending way more time online in the past year and for many this means time in multiplayer games, online chat forums or social media platforms where strangers and friends mingle. If your child is spending time in Roblox, Minecraft, Discord, TikTok or any other social platform, they need to learn how to spot a potential child predator early.
Some platforms offer the option of blocking chats or chatting only with people you know, but others don’t. Either way, eventually your child will move on to interactions with strangers and you want them to be prepared. Below you’ll find my guide for how to open up the conversation with your child and which red flags they must learn in order to stay safe online. I also touch on how to recognize signs that your child may already be stuck in a predatory relationship and offer resources for parents who need more help.
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO?
Next time you have a moment with your child, sit down together and tell them that you know they are enjoying their app/game/social media, but you want to make sure that they can enjoy their time there safely. Online safety is key to being smart and having fun. Remind them that there are millions of people on those apps and almost all of them are strangers. Ask them if they’ve ever chatted with someone they don’t know in real life. How do they figure out who they are talking to? Use their answers as a prompt to remind them that there is absolutely NO WAY to know who you are talking to in a chat without seeing or hearing the person.
WHAT IS GROOMING?
Kids need to know what grooming is so that they know how to spot the red flags. I like this clear definition from the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in the UK.
“Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.Children and young people who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited or trafficked.
Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race. Grooming can take place over a short or long period of time – from weeks to years.”
HOW ONLINE PREDATORS BEHAVE:
Ask your child, “If you wanted to get someone to trust you would you act extra kind or would you act cruelly?” Based on their response, tell them that online predators don’t act like “bad guys” they may seem like another kid or just a really friendly person. Some adults predators may even send fake pictures to convince you that they are kids too - anyone can send any picture online.
Share these red flags with your children. These are things to look out for that may indicate an untrustworthy or dangerous person. Any one or two of these things is enough or a warning sign. You don’t need to have all of them:
Really nice and lots of compliments
They show up every time you are online
They ask you for a lot of personal information
They promise favors and gifts
Try to create a romantic relationship or mentor relationship
They tell you to keep the relationship secret
They contact you through multiple platforms and services - or try to take the chat from a public chat to a private messenger
They initiate intimate discussions about the child’s appearance
They insist on meeting face to face
They threaten you or your family if they don’t get what they want from you
Source: National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
YOUR GUT FEELINGS ARE YOUR PROTECTORS!
Ask your child if they know what a “gut feeling” is. Share examples of what a gut feeling feels like to you and guide them in figuring out where in their body they feel their gut feelings - tingly legs? Stomach ache? shortness of breath? general scared feeling? Explain that our bodies often recognize when something is wrong even before our thinking brains do! Listening to our bodies can help us recognize when we are in dangerous territory. Getting in touch with and honoring your gut feelings is a great way to keep safe online and off.
SIGNS YOUR CHILD MAY BE INVOLVED IN A PREDATORY RELATIONSHIP:
It can be hard to know what a child is up to online. This is why it’s so important to have these conversations ahead of time and to let your child know that they can always come to you.
A child who is experiencing online enticement may be:
Spending increasing time online.
Getting upset when he or she is not allowed on their device.
Taking extra steps to conceal what they are doing online.
Receiving gifts from people you don’t know.
Assure your child that no matter what you will not be angry with them. You will support them and help them to take care of the situation. They never need to feel ashamed - even if they’ve already been talking with someone and they feel they shouldn’t have.
Check in often with your kids to find out what they are up to online and if you suspect your child is in danger do not hesitate to look at their online conversations - your child’s wellbeing is the priority.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR CHILD IS STUCK IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ONLINE PREDATOR:
If your child is in a predatory relationship do the following:
Screenshot as much of their conversation as you can for evidence
Report the predator to the platform they are using to contact your child
Block the predator from all platforms
Report to your local police
Contact the Center for Missing and Exploited Children
RESOURCES:
To report online child sexual abuse or find resources for those in need of help, contact the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-843-5678.
https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/articles/what-is-sexual-grooming/